There are times when certain life questions give you clear answers. This is one of them for me. I enjoy my material things, but I don't feel attached to them as I know they can be taken from me at any moment.
But there are things I hang on to. I hang on to thoughts in the form of philosophies and memories. Like a child hanging on to a tree branch I cling to my beliefs. I believe that my thoughts, which shoot off like branches, will be my safeguards.
My Father stands at the base of the tree gently calling me to release my grip. He entreats me to let go of the tree and hang on to the Rock. And still I cling, knowing the branches may give way at anytime.
Today I let go of yet another branch and have fallen safely into my Abba Father's arms. I received an email from my alma mater relating the death of a biology college professor. I went to school with her, Kim Gaither. I didn't know her very well, but she had a beautiful light inside her. It seems it grew brighter these last twenty years as she continued following the Lord and let her light influence her family and students.
I have not been back to my alma mater in eight years, and before that, it had been over ten years. I left and didn't look back. While I have enjoyed reading updates on former colleagues, I have not felt much inclined to return.
Today I want to see some of those people. Old memories are flooding back, memories of good times. Memories of strengthening times in an atmosphere that did its best to elevate Christ in college.
Gone, for now, are the stigmas I have placed on my past and all I feel is love as I remember those days. Stigmas meaning only remembering the embarassing and remembering the failures at the expense of the goodness and growth that took place back then.
I grieve with David, Kim's husband, and their children silently, praying God's comfort in these times. God is true and will comfort them as he did when I lost my two brothers-in-law and more recently my brother. I have lost many other family and some friends, but the ones I have mentioned were my contemporaries. This sobers the mind and fixes the spirit on the straight and narrow.
Gone, for the moment, are the notions of defending my life to the accuser. Gone, for the moment, are the forgiven sins which seem to return to haunt the soul until I remember to go to God in prayer, thanking Him for his faithfulness in fulfilling the promise to forgive when I ask. Gone are old grudges-grudges I didn't know I had, grudges I am repenting of now.
If only sobriety could remain as the friend it is now. But days will pass, decisions must be made. Life must be lived and loved ones will need attention. But for now, I see clearly the need to run the straight and narrow marathon with purpose. Running unhindered. Running with refreshment only for fuel. Running to receive the prize.
Good night, dear Kim. I wish I had known you better. But heaven will be a glorious time to catch up.
God Bless you David and your family.
